7 Tips For Solving Conflict In Marriage

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7 Tips For Solving Conflict In Marriage

7 Tips For Solving Conflict In Marriage

For as long as she could remember, doing her Master’s degree was at the top of Kene’s wishlist. As a child, everyone had called her a bookworm. She’d planned to do the Masters immediately after her stint in Law School. But marriage and kids came in quick succession. Undaunted, she’d delved into an active career. Her zeal had even inspired her younger sister, Kody to achieve Charted Accountant status in record time.

It was unbelievable to Kene that Kody, who secretly aspired to be a stay-at-home-mum, was the one achieving things. She, on the other hand, was struggling to achieve one tiny degree, even part-time or online. To make matters worse, she was about to miss out on a godsent opportunity. Her husband, Chizie had just gotten an opportunity to work in the UK, right at the same time that she’d received the email telling her she’d been awarded a full-time scholarship in the same city where he would work. It seemed like fate. God-sent. And yet, Chizie adamantly refused because he was worried about the effects of western influence on their children. He was just being ridiculous. It was only 2 years abroad. Weren’t the kids already using phones and tablets and watching cable TV here in Nigeria? She was this short of giving him an ultimatum. Could she stay married to a man who did not support her goals?

And yet, Chizie adamantly refused because he was worried about the effects of western influence on their children. He was just being ridiculous. It was only 2 years abroad. Weren’t the kids already using phones and tablets and watching cable TV here in Nigeria? She was this short of giving him an ultimatum. Could she stay married to a man who did not support her goals?

And yet, Chizie adamantly refused because he was worried about the effects of western influence on their children. He was just being ridiculous. It was only 2 years abroad. Weren’t the kids already using phones and tablets and watching cable TV here in Nigeria? She was this short of giving him an ultimatum. Could she stay married to a man who did not support her goals?

As far as Chizie was concerned, women were forever creating problems where none exist. He and Kene have a great life: family, kids, a decent home, jobs and a lot of chances for growth and progress. This scholarship offer and the job opportunity he got were merely confirmation of the prestige they currently enjoyed in their careers. He suspected Kene’s drama was because of the rivalry between her and Kody. Kody who seemed to be the star in their family with her academic achievements and her 7-figure salary.

SEE ALSO: Goal Setting: 5 Tips For Young Couples

He knows professional growth is important to Kene but she had made the choice in the past to put their family first and delay her Master’s degree. If she had taken fewer responsibilities at work like he’d previously suggested, she could have at least managed a part-time degree. True, the extra work had helped her grow professionally but she was smart. She would’ve grown anyway. This scholarship drama. Is their family life worth sacrificing over something so small?

7 Tips for Solving Conflict In Marriage

7 Tips for Solving Conflict In Marriage

 

  • In marriage, to solve a problem, we have to agree that there is a problem. The next thing to do is to state the issue. It’s an exercise in futility when those involved do not even agree there is an issue or what said the issue is.
  • In addressing problems, we should keep our focus on the big picture; who we are, what we want and where we are going. If married couples don’t see it as a “we” issue, then the aggrieved spouse feels isolated. And that’s a breeding ground for resentment, envy, anger and more vices.
  • Marriage isn’t a martyrdom. Don’t be the sacrificial lamb all the time. Conversely, don’t keep taking and taking while your partner always does the giving. It’s a give-and-take relationship. Decide on a way forward that lifts up and not throws down.
  • Do not threaten those you love, and quite frankly try to avoid keeping records of what is done for love or loved ones.
  • Deal with issues independently and don’t make a chain with problems all lumped together.
  • Please, with a lot of charity and a desire to hear, understand and improve the other person. Talk about it.
  • Avoid inputs from external influences unless it is absolutely necessary.

 

Kene and Chizie need to talk about how she views her professional growth. Should he take the new job for her sake? Are his concerns about the kids valid?

Tell us what you think.

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