Goal Setting: 5 Tips For Young Couples

Kody can’t wait to hit ’30’. She’s already a Chartered Accountant, married with twins, a boy, and a girl. The future seems bright and she plans to switch to a less stressful job once they buy and move to their own house. That way, she’ll have more time for the kids, home and Kevin, her husband.

Kevin needs Kody to understand that his parents are old and have sacrificed so much for him to have the best. He needs to be financially buoyant enough to care for them. He doesn’t think now is the time to get their own house. He and Kody are young and can always get one of those own-as-you-pay houses later.

And then they agreed before they got married to have 3 children. But since they had the twins, Kody decided she wasn’t interested in more kids. He would’ve thought that at least she’d be glad that twins meant she had one less pregnancy to deal with. But he hadn’t expected her to do such an about-turn. And why does she want to change jobs when she’s doing so well in her current role? Their jobs allowed them to go on exotic vacations where they spent a lot of time with the children. Gradually, they’ve turned into one of those couples who bicker and argue all the time. This is not who they are…

The scenario above describes many young marriages these days. Both parties get stuck in a cycle of arguments, and it seems there will not be a resolution that satisfies the two of them. But is it inevitable? Can we do something different?

For two to truly become and remain one, the seemingly impossible task of setting goals together has to be achieved. Many people have planned their weddings from a young age, and that naive but magnificent plan, believe it or not, has evolved with age and ultimately becomes a marriage goal. So ‘wedding goals’ (which apply only to one day) become ‘marriage goals’ (which are meant to last a lifetime).

Goal Setting: 5 Tips For Young Couples 

The first requirement is a healthy dose of realism. Fairy tale weddings don’t become fairy tale marriages. Know what aspect of the fairy tale ending is just that… a fairy tale. All worthwhile tasks need a plan, from start to finish. So marriage definitely needs one. But how do we ensure that our goals don’t hinder us and stop us from being spontaneous and truly partnering with each other?

The second requirement is picking the right time. Pick the best time and mood to communicate. It might seem trivial but the language, place and time are as important as the message being passed along.

Thirdly, understand that your marriage belongs to both of you only. So The only marriage goals that are truly valid are yours. Your extended family is very important but they don’t take priority over you and your spouse. Both your goals necessarily include your  children who are a direct result of your union/ unity.

The next step is to identify what is most important to both of you in all spheres of life. What are your dreams for your career, your faith, your values, your lifestyles and personal validation? You have to unite and prioritize these goals and then set realistic timelines to achieve each one. Learn to be flexible and adaptable. Some changes or hindrances won’t be in your immediate power to change. Give it time, and stay focused on the big picture.

Finally, support each other constantly and consistently through the process. Praise, encourage, cheer each other on. Don’t just tolerate. Get involved, research, and enjoy the journey together.

We’ll consider communication tools at a later date. For now, tell us, what do you think? How would you resolve Kevin and Kody’s arguments?

For now, tell us, what do you think?

How would you resolve Kevin and Kody’s arguments?

2 Comments
  1. Lily 7 years ago

    Funny enough today’s sermon at mass is on marriage.
    I think Kevin and Kody should talk seriously about this. There’s no point Kevin having all these in mind and imagining that she will get it. Maybe by his actions or comments she’s supposed to get what he’s trying to say. Or it’s possible he’s tried to talk to her but she didn’t want to listen. It’s possible the manner in which he approached her or went about it was wrong.
    They both need to pour their hearts out and talk about their initial plan and make another plan. A plan for the present which is sustainable. He wants another kid, she wants to less stressful job and their own home. They both can meet each other half way. Love is communicating. Yes they had a plan before marriage but after marriage people change and plans change too but communicating is a constant thing.

  2. Lily 7 years ago

    Let me add that your five points are what the couple should take into consideration while discussing their situation.

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