After our honeymoon, my hubby and I definitely wanted to continue spending a lot of quality time with each other. Along came the kids and it was goodbye to our alone time.
First, there was the waking-up-at-night cycle as babies. Then, there was the sleeping in our bed phase as toddlers. Whenever we tried to get our groove on, there were so many different things on our minds. Mental baggage from work, the stress of caring for the kids. Would the kids walk in on us in the act??
When I say intimacy, I mean a sense of oneness with your spouse that feels like second nature. It is rekindling that desire that drew you guys to each other and made you want to spend the rest of your lives together. I’m talking about keeping in touch with how your spouse feels, their mental and physical changes as well as yours.
However, there are a few things I do on a daily basis that help keep intimacy in marriage after having kids.
Be Deliberate
1. Consciously spend some amount of time alone with each other daily; choose a particular time and period like 20mins after the kids have gone to bed.
2. Be intentional about saying ‘I love you’ often and look for opportunities to compliment your spouse.
3. Show each other loving little gestures when at home like a random tickle, a peck on the cheek when going out or coming in, sitting on or close to each other while watching TV, etc.
4. It’s cool to plan family vacations but also plan for a couple’s retreat and date nights. Just make sure there is someone to watch the kids.
5. Have a hobby or activity you guys can do together and do it regularly, e.g. if you are reading different books, make out time to review them together.
READ ALSO: 7 Tips For Solving Conflict In Marriage
Communicate
1. Intimacy works best when you talk to each other often. Sometimes during the day, my husband puts a call through to me to ask how I am or how my day is going. It helps to keep us connected before he comes home from work.
2. I’ve learned that being patient with each other can help. Try to forgive/empathize with your spouse’s weakness. When you don’t keep a list of your partner’s shortcomings, it’s easier to not go to bed angry or carry grudges to the next day.
3. Be assertive when discussing your emotions especially when trying to resolve conflicts. Take ownership of your feelings by owning up to them and say what you feel, so you both are on the same page.
4. Have a vision retreat where you discuss plans for the future. Share your spiritual journey with each other, listen to each other’s outbursts attentively without judgment and give productive feedback.
Genuinely care
1. I’m not the same person I was as a bride years ago and that’s okay because people evolve over time. So ask your spouse questions and keep up with the changes in your spouse.
2. Be a support for your partner either emotionally or by being instrumental in solving the challenges they face.
3. Get to know the people in your spouse’s life and have a good relationship with them. Care about the things your spouse cares about.
Our children are precious, but they are only ours temporarily. Soon they will be old enough to be out of the nest, and it will just be hubby and me. It’s important to be maritally satisfied and be a great parent, that’s why I consistently work on always being intimate with my spouse. I discovered that being a happy spouse affects the quality of parenting my kids get. Commit to keeping the intimacy in marriage regardless of the kids, even the effort counts in our favor. It’s possible to be a happy couple and remarkable parents too.
