One morning, I rode up the elevator with a bunch of my work colleagues. The elevator stopped on the sixth floor, and one of them, a tall, light-skinned fella with an Afro, got off. As the doors closed, another of my colleagues asked, “Ah ah. Is that how you say good-bye? No good-bye kiss?”
Yes, the guy with the Afro is my husband. And yes, most people in my organization know it.
At first glance, it might seem weird. You work with your husband? I will admit that it’s a huge leap from where we started as a long-distance couple. Imagine going from seeing each other only on Skype to seeing each other every day, at home AND at work.
Some companies, especially in the finance industry, have firm policies forbidding marriage between employees because of possible collusion. Some are more lenient and simply forbid being in a direct reporting line to a spouse. Imagine how awkward it would be to have your husband as your boss.
I reached out to some of my friends who’ve found themselves in the same situation. Like me, they work with their husbands. Some, like me, met their husbands at work. (See, we spend so much time at work anyway, we might as well find love there. :D) Others met – and married – their husbands before they joined the company. The responses below are a collation of our answers.
The Pros of Working With My Husband:
- Car-pooling! Driving to and fro work together is great and we swap “driver” roles when the other person is tired.
- Obviously, family finances are pretty much an open secret. I know when salaries/allowances are paid and how much will be paid so even if I had a secretive spouse, he couldn’t hide much. (Interestingly, this is one reason I’ve heard for not marrying a colleague. “Ah, so he/she will know how much I earn? No oh!”)
- We discuss workplace challenges and career goals easily because we have a common reference point and can empathize. This means we can easily help each other through professional struggles.
- I get an automatic pass into his work network, and that immediately increases my own network and my collaboration opportunities. I always get a quick and easy response from his department and/or friends and that has helped my reputation as a performer in my team.
- Some companies ensure that the couple is always posted to the same location, no matter what. Yay! This is important in careers that are prone to extensive travel/relocation.
- My husband has been in the organization longer than I have, and so he helped me get a head start professionally with the office tools. I can ask him really stupid questions without feeling self-conscious.
The Cons Of Working With My Husband:
- Car-pooling! Lol. For instance, my husband is a morning person and likes getting in super early, while I don’t mind being 5 – 10 minutes late. It makes for some grumpy mornings from one of us. The same issue comes up when it’s time to close. Sometimes, “I’ll meet you downstairs in 5 minutes” becomes a very annoying 30-minute wait.
- Every time there’s a company reorganization, both our jobs (and inevitably, our family’s income) are at risk.
- Being called “A’s wife” by colleagues who know him. I have a name! This is a professional environment.
- Divergent career goals and performance discussions can threaten your peace.
- Sometimes, mutual friends compare our work profiles, achievements and performance and make expensive jokes which can take their toll on our relationship, if we aren’t careful.
- Colleagues who think it’s a good idea to “report” me to my husband. (It only gets him in trouble, guys!)
- Being expected to remember all his colleagues even though he’s only introduced us on the elevator at random times. Sorry, guys! I’m still trying to remember all the people on my own floor!
- I’ve lost access to the external network I would’ve built if we worked separately.
- Sometimes, work gist gets boring sha.
- Sometimes, the lines get blurred. When I have issues at work, my husband sometimes feels he needs to intervene and help, even up to approaching a person I’m having problems with, or telling me how to react or keeping tabs on whether I’ve done work I said I would. I’ll work through it in my own time or never! Husband, not coach, oh! Lol.
- Maintaining own individuality. The first few weeks of work, we did everything together. We’d eat lunch together, I’d wait at his desk after work to go home together, we’d attend the same office events together. I quickly realized that it made me feel really isolated from my own colleagues and I wasn’t making any of my own friends or allowing people get to know me as an individual.
Work-Life Balance
- On the surface, working together doesn’t seem to help or hinder work-life balance much. However, you do spend a lot of time sitting in traffic. Nothing better to bond over than Lagos traffic. 🙂
- Importantly, we perfectly understand each other’s work demand levels and can plan appropriately. We both have periods when our teams are super busy and knowing this ahead of time helps us align. We try not to be very busy at the same time so one of us can be home early.
- It’s easy to plan vacation times together We work for a company with a generous leave policy and so it’s easy to plan vacation times together.
All in all, it’s a mixed bag. Would I change it? I’m not sure. I don’t know what the alternative looks like.
