At thirty a (wo)man steps out of the darkness and wasteland of preparation into active life; it is the time to show oneself, the time of fulfilment.
Osemhen’s note: I turned 30 in September. 30 is considered a crucial year, a milestone, a benchmark. I know many of my friends who turned 30 depressed and sad because they hadn’t met what they considered the “standards” of being 30. No job. No good job. Stuck in deadbeat job. Not self-employed. Less than N100k bank balance. Less than N1M bank balance. Unmarried. Married too early. Stuck in unhappy marriage. Childless. Too many children. Still renting property. Still living with parents. Stuck in debt. No savings, investments or assets.
It was too easy to fall into that trap myself (I always thought I’d have written and published my first novel by age 30) But then I realized the truth in what Warri people say: when you wake up is your “morning”. Still unemployed at 30? Doesn’t mean you won’t end up in a fantastic job by 35. Unmarried at 30? Doesn’t mean you won’t be happily married at 40. Life happens at a different rate for everyone. So forget all those 30-under-30 lists. Forget societal expectations. Enjoy every moment, every phase.
For this feature on turning 30, I interviewed my cousin, Onyemhen Udofia. She’s mother to three girls aged 24 to 20 so she’s a veteran at this parenting thing. For as long as I can remember, for almost all of my life, I’ve looked up to her. I’d be hard-pressed to find another woman (apart from my mother) who’s had a stronger influence on my life. I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on her experience of her 30s and use it in calibrating my expectations. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
What did you expect of your 30s? Did it meet/exceed/fall short of your expectations?
I grew up in another life than it is today, my expectations for my 30s were to be married, have kids and a blossoming career.
What were the highlights for you?
The highlights for me in my 30s were watching my kids grow, building my home and generally living my best life.
What differentiated your 30s from every other age?
What would you change about your 30s if you could?
What do you know now that you wished you knew then?
What surprised you in a positive way?
What did you do in your 30s that best prepared you for your 40s?
How did turning 30 affect your priorities? Was it for better or for worse?
My advice for women in their 30s would be –
- Build a career or business for yourself, no matter how small.
- Do your best to be financially independent and more importantly, emotionally independent as well.
- Make loyal and firm friends.
- Learn to invest and save, it will be one of the most important things you do.
- Love yourself more and remember as women to stand together and fight for one another not against.
