Osemhen’s Note:: I’ve wanted to do this for ages. The entire concept of Omugwo, of pampering for a new mother and her baby who’s just given birth is one of the most beautiful aspects of Nigerian culture and one I hope will last for generations to come. I don’t take it lightly at all. I’ve seen my foreign friends (Africans and non-Africans alike) struggle by themselves with newborns while recovering from all the trauma and stress of childbirth. They’re superwomen. I would probably cry everyday. I remember asking a Kenyan friend if her mother would be coming over to Lagos after she had her baby. “No, she won’t come,” my friend replied. “We’re not like you Nigerians. Our mothers don’t come.”
When I had my first son, I was so grateful I was Nigerian. My beloved aunt (Grandma to all of us, really) came all the way from Warri to Louisiana. I knew next to nothing about baby-care. (I was actually panicked when the hospital released my husband and I to go home with the baby. What? You’re going to let us go home with a 2-day old baby?)
My aunt showed up like my guardian angel 10 days later. She showed up with food, advice, and most importantly the willingness to spend nights with the baby so I could sleep. As a mother to 6 (including two sets of twins!) and grandmother to 18, she’s seen almost everything possible. I basked in her wealth of experience (and the great meals she made every day!). It was the best first-time Omugwo experience anyone could have. I found myself wondering if I could ever give that experience to someone else. I really don’t know.
The Omugwo Series are trying to distil that grandma wisdom into one place. Hopefully, someday, I’ll actually write a book. In the meantime, enjoy the interviews! It’s only fitting that the first person I feature is my aunt, Mrs. Barbara Adoghe a.k.a. Super Grandma! She got married at 20 and brought up her children in Warri whilst running a series of businesses. She’s been married for over 50 years and now enjoys life as a jet-setting retiree ?
She was interviewed by Didi, her granddaughter.
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What pregnancy/motherhood traditions or attitudes are you glad are fading?
The first one would be female circumcision. In our time, parents were expected to circumcise their female children. The second one is traditional midwifery. Women in villages did not seek professional antenatal and postpartum care. They went to traditional midwives who provided herbs and this was often the cause of many deaths.
2. What pregnancy/motherhood traditions are you sad are fading?
When I was going through motherhood there was a very deep sense of community and mothers were provided with more support than they get now.
3. Best parenting advice anyone ever gave you?
I never got any parenting advice.
4. What’s your favourite grandmother-hood memory?
I don’t have a particular favourite. Moments spent with my grandchildren I remember with equal fondness. But the university graduation of my first grandchild stands out as a prominent memory.
Grandma with half of her grandchildren
5. What do you think your grandchildren love the most about you?
My smile and my cooking. I don’t know. (Didi’s note: Then she tried to ask her grandchildren what we like about her which I think would be that:)
– She’s funny, mainly because her way of thinking is so different from modern norms.
– Her maternity fits her like she’s had it her whole life. For example, a back-rub from grandma is not a regular back-rub. It’s so soothing and unlike even what my mother can give me.
– She’s youthful.
– She treats all of us the same which I think can be hard to do when you have a lot of grandchildren with very different personalities.
– She is present.
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Do you know a grandma we should interview? Your aunt, mother, mother-in-law? Please let us know in the comments, or at hello at blazersandbaby dot com, or via any of our social media accounts: @blazersandbaby
