This is the one of the very first two posts in the Fatherly series and we’re thrilled to share this with you, just in time for Father’s Day. With this series, we aim to celebrate and share the stories of working fathers that are deliberately and regularly involved in parenting their children. We hope that this will inspire many more fathers to lean in at home.
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Mudi Ori-Jesu is a Management Consultant. He is married to Glory. They just welcomed their first son 6 months ago and together they live in Lagos, Nigeria.
How have you balanced time for your work and family?
I strive to be intentional with work and family such that I am fully present in either scenario. Being fully present and efficient at work means I get to ring-fence certain evenings and the weekend, and being fully present when with family is, of course, enough reward in itself.
Tell me about the moment you became a dad. How did it change your perspective?
Oh, the very moment I became a Dad was surreal. It felt as though I was apart from myself observing everything in slow motion. My conclusion is that this whole business of childbirth is nothing short of miraculous – the mix of emotions, the roller coaster that switches from the pain, concern and heightened inconvenience of labour to the sudden emergence of this little wriggling confused human – your child…it certainly does feel like a process imbued with some complex cosmic purpose to it all. Maybe it is biology’s trick to keep humans from dying out, or just maybe it is something truly divine, designed to truly bring out the best in us as humans. I’d go with the latter.
How did this change my perspective? I guess now I understand why parents get so invested in the success of their kids. There is this concept I’d call the “future well-being of my family” which is suddenly omnipresent and filtering all my personal choices. A door which began to open when I got married is pretty much flung wide open now – that door that leads to the place where your happiness is strongly linked to the well-being and happiness of other humans close to you. I look forward to rediscovering the world of play and wonder with this little guy.
Mudi with his wife Glory and his son.
What’s the most surprising thing about parenting?
The fact that everyone around (read the typical Nigerian) seems to think they know just how you should parent your child – of course, you cannot be concerned enough to actually know what I’m doing.
How do you and your wife work together to raise your children in the best possible way?
Talk to one another. A lot. And pray together. It’s easy because we both want the same things basically. Hence, the discussion is mostly about figuring out how that translates to practical decisions.
What do you struggle with about being a dad? What’s the toughest thing?
I’m determined that I and my partner do not forget who we are and what we like as individuals – there is the tendency to have all that swallowed up in the mechanics of existing in the new parenthood situation – it’s tough trying to balance creating a structure that allows us the personal time we need and the free-wheeling unpredictable spontaneity that should characterize happy families. I’ve concluded that the answer is we just need more money, as always.
How do your values show up in your parenting?
I value honesty/ openness, equity, and the imperative to put in your best efforts at whatever it is you are doing. These are still early stages so there isn’t exactly plenty interactive parenting going on – I mean it’s mostly a one-sided conversation with me speaking and the kid gurgling or yelling back for reasons best known to him – but I’d say this: I recognize there is the tendency for the bulk of the burden of childcare to fall on the mother – this sort of scenario doesn’t align with my values of equity and fairness. My focus this early period has been to pull my own weight (and almost half of the baby’s!) and do everything to make sure my partner’s personal and career goals aren’t strained any more than mine are because of the demands of parenting.
When you’re old and grey, looking back on life, what do you want to be proud of about being a dad?
I’d want to be proud that I nurtured my kids to be empathetic, decent and independent-minded individuals who understand the meaning of true achievement and its personal and communal facets. I’d want to be proud that I did my best to provide a real-life example of the power of faith, hope and love; one that could inspire them to be the best version of themselves without limiting them to my personal knowledge and experiences.
What does being a dad mean to you?
Always thinking about “us” and not “me” and showing up with my best day after day.
What do you like best about the traditional “Nigerian Father” image?
Erm, what’s not to like? You actually do not have to do anything in the home except arrive and demand a hot meal with the biggest meat portion. Hence, whatever you “do” within the home is applauded and received with gratitude. I mean, I even “babysit” my own child. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?
What are you trying to change about the traditional “Nigerian Father” image?
Everything.
How do you deal with your workplace’s expectations of what a working father should be/do?
There’s still quite some distance to travel when it comes to these things in general – I think the unstated expectation is that you are not greatly affected by becoming a Father. I’m fortunate to have a workplace that is rather progressive, so the support is amazing, and I guess when I mention I need to take my kid to his immunizations, I’m probably the one imagining that folks are secretly thinking I’m just using that as an excuse. My approach is to continue to work hard to deliver excellent output that cannot be questioned and to insist consistently on prioritizing family time.
You have to pick only one. More paternity leave or more flexibility in your work hours. Which would you pick and why?
Oh, that depends, if the work hours flexibility would be a long-term thing (something that works over a 5-year horizon), then I’d definitely choose that. If it’s short term, then come on, more paternity leave please.
What are you absolutely terrible at?
For some reason my attempts to cook jollof rice never turn out well.
Osemhen’s Note: Fun Fact, Mudi met Glory because he thought she was my younger sister! He messaged her on social media and the rest is history #shootyourshot 🙂 We hope you enjoyed reading this! If you’d like to nominate someone (or yourself for an interview, please fill this form!
