My first ob-gyn appointment in Houston, I showed up with my toddler. The doctor looked at him, looked at my belly and said, “Does he weigh over 10kg?”
“Of course, he’s almost two.”
She shook her head. “You can’t carry him anymore.”
And have you tried explaining to a cranky toddler why you can’t just carry him/her? Yes, there were lots of tears involved. Thankfully, we made it past that bit and I’m grateful that Daniel seems to have survived the disruption well enough. For any expectant mamas out there, hang in there. This too shall pass. In the mean time, a few tips to help you survive it all.
1. Get some help during pregnancy.
Your husband. A grandmother. A nanny. Anyone. Get some help. When you’re pregnant, it’s not uncommon to be short-tempered and cranky. You don’t want to take it out on your toddler. It’s almost certain that he/she will annoy you. So get someone to deal when you’re feeling less than loving.
2. Explain to your toddler why things are changing.
You’d think they don’t understand much but they do. If you explain why you’re tired, and can’t carry them or play with them, they might make a fuss. But say it often enough and they’ll start to get it.
READ ALSO: Giving Birth The Second Time
3. Practice independence.
When the baby comes, you won’t have time or energy to play with the toddler for the first few weeks. The best time to prepare for that period is before baby comes. You might be tempted to spend as much time as possible with your toddler to compensate for the impending neglect. This is understandable. Still, you don’t want to create expectations you can’t sustain afterwards. It wasn’t my finest moment as a mother but I taught Daniel to sit and watch for nursery rhyme videos for almost an hour at a stretch.
4. Prepare your toddler for the newborn.
Talk about the baby often. Read books that prepare him or her to be an older sibling. Hype the positives. After baby is born, your toddler might still get jealous and cranky, despite your best efforts. As much as you can, pay attention to the older child. Someone once told me, “If they’re both crying for your attention, and the baby isn’t in danger, pay attention to the toddler. The baby won’t remember, the toddler will.” Picking toddler over Baby assures Toddler that he/she is still important in the grand scheme of things.
5. Establish ownership
For the first few months, refer to the baby as Toddler’s. Let’s say Toddler is called Timi. You’d say, “Oh look. Timi’s baby brother is hungry. Shall we feed him?” By constantly enforcing that the baby belongs to the toddler, you’ll trigger protective feelings that can quell jealous tendencies.
All in all, look forward to your children playing together. Enjoy your last few moments as the mom of a only child too. You won’t have these moments again. 🙂
