Last week, my sons’ school sent all parents an email, announcing that the nursery was closing down with immediate effect. To be fair, the pressure had been mounting. Two weeks before, they’d told us to keep all sniffling, feverish and coughing children at home. (It’s the threat no working mother wants to hear.) A week later, each child had to come to school with one liter of water (to stay hydrated) and personal hand towels. They’d made all parents wash hands before entering the school yard. The school had really tried their bestie manage things in the face of a pandemic. Eventually, to be on the safe side, they shutdown 10 days earlier than planned, effectively throwing off my family’s calendar.
Our previous plan was simple. My husband was supposed to return from his job working in a remote location. His return would be just in time for him to stay home with the kids through their holiday while I continue working.
Unfortunately, the threat of COVID-19 in Nigeria means that my husband is currently unable to come home. We don’t even know when he’ll be home, or how long he can be home for when he does return. This means I have to be a single working mother who works from home with a 4-year old and a 2-year old. It’s overwhelming, to put it mildly, even with help.
My children, rightfully, recognize that I’m home. They want to interact, to talk, to play. Even when I lock myself in my room determined to achieve a state of “flow”, every cry jolts me out of my reverie. I find that tasks that would take me 30 minutes take much longer because of frequent starts and stops. My productivity/efficiency suffers and I find that I work longer hours to keep up with my workload (the irony!). There’s also the fact that I’m currently transiting between jobs – I start a new job in exactly one week’s time.
And then there’s the guilt, common with many working mothers. Are they watching too much TV> Are they getting enough outdoor play? Am I exposing them to COVID-19 by having the domestic staff come and go every day? Do they resent that I’m home with them and unable to play? Are they falling behind on their academics? (It’s ridiculous typing that out loud but yeah, it’s one of the thoughts I have.) Is this healthy sibling rivalry or worse? Are they eating healthy enough?
It’s a lot to manage on top of worrying about food shortage, rushing to stockpile groceries and household supplies, worrying when my husband will be able to come home and checking up on vulnerable family members (the elderly and those with underlying health conditions). A few days ago, my temperature spiked and I wondered if perhaps, I’d caught COVID-19. If I went into quarantine, what would happen to my kids? It’s all very maddening. You can understand when I saw I seriously contemplated cutting all of my hair (Never judge 2005 Britney Spears!)
So how am I coping? First, I left some WhatsApp groups when I realized each “forwarded as received” message left me more anxious. I’ve restricted my news consumption to CNN and BBC. I’ve sought out the good news while maintaining healthy realism. Yay for mental health!
I’ve turned to my faith to help me stay strong during this period. Praying, reading and messaging friends has given me peace, especially about the health of the ones I love.
I’ve started on vitamin supplements. I hate taking medicines of any sort but I’ve overcome this aversion, in the interest of boosting my immunity. My children need me even more now so it’s important. After all the craziness of the first few days of self-isolation, I’ve also managed to start exercising again too. #smallwinsforphysicalhealth
I’m a morning person so I’m taking advantage of that to start work before my kids wake up. I’m making peace with the fact that people will hear my children on the team teleconference, and that’s okay. It’s the times we’re in.
I realize that this is an uncertain time for the kids too so I’m trying to be more empathetic. Not to brush them off. Not to assume that a daily timetable executed by a nanny and my presence in the house is enough. It’s not often that I get the opportunity to spend all day with them and I want to savor these moments. The moment of realizing that my children can eat vegetables without being forced, of seeing my son fall in love with Formula 1 racing, of learning that my other son can climb right to the top of the windows!
I do like being a mother, it’s my greatest privilege. I just wish that it could be done in less stressful circumstances. But this is life, right? Often messy, never planned. I hope I’m able to give them a good example. I hope that they’ll remember 2020 as a time when their mum stepped up despite her fears.
So what’s it like being a single parent and working from home in a pandemic with two children under 5? It’s stressful and when I survive this, I’m never going to underestimate myself ever again. You shouldn’t either.
