It happens. One day, you look at your schedule and you realise that you have to be away from your child for a day, two days, a week. You have a business trip to a different country or an interview in a different state. Maybe your MBA class has a field trip planned. Or it’s your best friend’s wedding in a different state. You can’t escape it. There’s no winging it. You have to travel without baby.
You might be looking forward to it (hello, beauty sleep!). Or you might be anxious, worried, even a little afraid. *deep breath* It’s okay. It’ll work out. I’ve done it 5 times in the last 3 years and if I can, you can. I’ve traveled for work. And I’ve traveled for a wedding. I’ve traveled for one night. And I’ve travelled for 5 nights at a stretch. I’ve left the country, and I’ve spent the night in the same town but apart. I’ve seen the full spectrum. (Well, almost the full spectrum. I have a friend who leaves her children aged 4 to baby for as long as two months!)
Understandably, my anxiety has reduced with each trip away. It does get easier and I think it’s because the following tips have helped me (and my kids) build confidence in being separated.
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No one will ever love/care for your child like you do.
That said, make it easy for other people to take care of her. Go easy on the rules. Determine what is necessary and what is nice-to-have. Does she really have to see the doctor this week for her well-baby check? Can it wait till when you return? Is it worth the fuss if she wears her Sunday clothes at home? Will her chances of a place at Harvard be permanently damaged because no one read to her in your absence? Keep things in perspective. -
On the other hand, help the carer by putting in place some structure.
It goes without saying that if a routine is what will make things easier for the carer, then baby should be on a routine way before you leave. Typical things to put on a routine are sleep and feeding. If baby has started solids, make as much of the meals in advance as you can. Portion them, label them and freeze them. Share a meal time-table, with some flexibility built-in. This separation period isn’t a good time to introduce new meals, if you can help it. Don’t make the carer have to struggle with getting baby to try new foods. -
Based on baby’s personality, build in a transition period.
If the primary carer is going to be Daddy who he sees every day, the transition period could be as short as one day (just enough for Daddy to go through all the motions and do a practice run). But if it’s going to be someone more remote who takes over (e.g. a new nanny or Grandma who’s traveling in from out-of-state), give both of them some time to adjust to one another before you disappear. I’d recommend between three days and a week.
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Organize all the baby paraphernalia and put them within easy reach.
You probably know that you have packs of wipes distributed in random spots in your house. But does Daddy know? Place everything in the right place and take the carer on a tour. Buy more than they’ll need. Here, the spare towels. Here, the medical records book. Here, the extra pacifiers.
See also: Travelling With Baby -
Breastfeeding?
If you’re breastfeeding and would like to keep up your supply, be sure to take your pump along. I typically travelled with a small manual pump. You also need to anticipate things like where to pump and if you’ll have a fridge/freezer to store the milk. If you won’t, plan to shed a tear or two as you pour the milk down the drain. Don’t risk clogged ducts or a reduced milk supply by not pumping. It’s better to pump and throw it away, than not pump at all. -
Decide if you’ll call home often or not at all.
Some babies thrive with the constant connection (and if you’re like me, you can’t wait to see your kiddo’s smiley face). But some babies get upset at the fact that they can’t touch you even if they can see you. Seeing your child upset will make you upset. So ask yourself if it’s worth it. -
List all the emergency contacts and details.
I actually have this held up on my fridge with a magnet. Is baby on medication? Where are the drugs? What should be done if it accidentally spills and needs to be replaced? Does baby have allergies? Who’s her doctor? What’s the clinic phone number? Where is her immunization record? Make sure everyone involved in her care can make quick decisions, if necessary.
You know the important thing, though? Just tell yourself, “It won’t do any (permanent) damage.” Remind yourself often. You might return home and find that your toddler subsisted on only instant noodles and sugary drinks while you were away. Or that the baby went an entire week without his gums being cleansed. Breathe. They’ll be fine. They will get older and it will get easier. In the mean time, make the most of your time apart. You deserve it ?
